Uncomfortable

I am ridiculously uncomfortable in my body. I realized that Saturday at a BATS Foundation 2 class. I was asked to "be a nerd," and the instructor told me what she wanted from me physically, and I couldn't do it. It was like my body just shut down and refused to proceed. I actually locked up on stage and couldn't think, and I ended the scene with walking off stage. I just wanted to get the hell off. Very strange.

I hate my body. I really do. Even after all the weight loss, I don't like being as big as I am. I think I'm comfortable improv talking because I feel I'm hiding my body. But, when I need to start moving around stage, I'm exposed and, more often then not, I freeze. I really need to work on getting a hold of this fear.

Maybe I'll begin every practice with doing jumping jacks in front of everyone. That'll break me.