Attack Pigeons

I love selling water, and I love my customers.... for the most part. Inevitably, I get that schmuck who walks by and asks, "you sell beer?" HAHA! Get it?! He's being creative...and witty.... in his mind. Actually, it's a comment I've heard 1400 times. And, that's not an embellishment. In fact, it's probably much greater than 1400. Every day I exposed to some idiot who is convinced, "do you sell beer" is a gem that demands an audience. I'll tell you what he deserves (and, yes, 99% of the time it's a dude who shares these quips)...

One of these days I hope to bring down all these idiots with attack pigeons. Oh.... you heard right. I want to train the pigeons that nest under the bridge, and as soon as I hear "do you sell any beer," and the self-congratulatory chuckle that follows, I'll spring into action. I'll whistle my birds to flight. Depending on my mood I'll order my birds into poop attack formation, or a bird-beaking dive. Who's laughing now! My Judge Dredd pigeons will meter out justice only to the guilty. Let the idiot writhe as the winged fury sweeps down. O! Death has arrived in grey feathers, and curved claws at the ready.

To cruel?
Am I a devilish pigeon trainer?

Say what you will!
Judge from your ivory tower!

Cute, head bobbing pigeons will savage "got beer" bastards, soiling Ralph Lauren polos, nipping at jugular veins and slashing throats!

Is it wrong to call it ideal carnage?