I Remember Being Young... and I Hate It

Do you have those songs that give you temporary flashbacks? I guess all songs stir up old emotions...but Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby transports me back to early 90's...good ol' 7th and 8th grade. Wait a second.... good? Please...those years were some of the most traumatic of my life. Being rocketed back to that time really churns my stomach. I was that person? I feared everyone? I thought everyone hated me, and made fun of me behind my back. I really pity who I was...I spent hours on Sunday night, unable to concentrate, terrorized that another unavoidable school week was here.

Unavoidable. I think that's what scared me the most. School was there...yanking me towards the hundreds of students who.... I felt...rejected me on the grounds that I was me. What other reason did they need to hate me? None! I had glasses...I dressed poorly...I was socially handicapped...grasping at "cool".... always falling embarrassingly short.

It’s hard to reflect on those days. I compress the lengthy period into a phrase, “my dark years.” People laugh, believing they’ve heard mere hyperbole. It isn’t though. It’s my remedy for something I prefer…distancing…myself from.

Songs like Always Be My Baby though send me back…and maybe it’s good. Maybe it’s good that I remember who I was…and who I am now.

This is some effusive writing. But I’m not sorry. It’ something I wanted to get out…. more for me. But hey…if this has been a insightful read for you…. great. I guess assuming you’ve gained some insight here is pretentious on my part (I’m so very good and ripping apart my own thoughts. I should stammer when I talk…. nervously awaiting an assault on myself.)

The lesson learned tonight? Listening to Mariah Carey at 2am can energize the writer within me.