Jan 8, 2009


Vegetarians are categorized; Ovo-vegetarian, lacto-vegeterian, pescaterian, flexitarian, vegan, and raw vegan are just a few. Germaphobes are labeled as, simply, germaphobes.

Gemaphobes deserve categories, to reflect the variety of our...well...fears. I, for one, consider myself a lavatophobe. Bathrooms are disgusting, and urinals are dangerous. At a urinal you risk splash back! Gross! Particularly revolting if someone prior to your "visit" didn't flush. You could be splashing back another man all over you!!! (that level of sick deserves "!!!".)

I don't want another man all over me, so I'm wary of those porcelain receptacles. Hell, I even raise an eyebrow to autonomic urinals. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security! Sometimes they malfunction. I know, because I do a urinal dance, and you should to.

Check how trustworthy the urinal is by standing in front of it, sidestepping away, waiting a few seconds, and returning. Did it flush? No? Pour gasoline over the urinal and set it on fire. It'll never hurt anyone again. Actually, I'm kidding, don't set it on fire....burning urine will smell terrible. Instead, break it to pieces with a baseball bat.

If you ever see me entering a bathroom with a baseball bat, you'll know what's about to go down.


Rebecca said...

I don't understand men's bathrooms. Always smelling PUTRID, no matter where they are. Don't ask how I know, Paul Burke, but I KNOW!

Mi Thoughts said...

I'm intrigued....

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