Morbid Fun

I attended a play over the weekend that defied my expectations, a bar already set moderately low. The play was a series of vignettes ("vignette" is French for "brief, atrocious scene."), and lasted over 2 hours. Remember the Tsunami that decimated Southeast Asia a couple years ago? Well, much of this play decimated my soul, a Tsunami of suck.

Fortunately, I found a way to pass the dull parts. Using only the theater, I wrote a list of the ways I could kill myself and end this misery. Yes, it's morbid. Yes, it's tasteless. And yes, you can do it too. It's a fun, albeit gruesome. Here's my list:

1. Eat the scenery used for the trees until I choke to death.

2. Impale myself on the lamppost.

3. Lie in front of the exit, yell "fire," and I will be trampled to death

4. Allow the fat actress to fall on me, thereby crushing me.

5. Cut a hole in the roof, and stare at the sun until blind. Finally, blinded and unable to find the exit or food, I will starve to death.

Try it. You get to be a macabre MacGyver.

P.S. Some of the vignettes were fantastic. The last two in particular were very interesting. However, it's a long painful hour of mediocre to wade through before getting to those.