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Aug 3, 2006

How Does Everyone Know I'm Gay?

I've been practicing improv for a few months now, and I think I'm getting better, but I have yet to go into the unknown. Improv teachings always stress how important it is to leap without a net, even if where you're leaping seems scary. I usually monitor myself, and make sure what I'm saying isn't going to leave me feeling awkward. Last night, however, the guard came down, and in the middle of an improv scene I blurted out, "how does everyone know I'm gay?" It killed the scene...only because I didn't embrace this "awkward" statement. Immediately after "coming out" I froze, fearing the audience thought I might be gay, and oh my god, what will they say when I sit down. I don't even recall what I mumbled after that, something like, "because....you know...people have that impression....that I'm gay." I just remember I desperately tried to tip toe away from this bold statement, instead of running with it. I didn't want to explore homosexuality, because I hadn't prepared for that topic. I went to that scary place in my mind, and wanted to run away screaming, and that destroyed the scene. For the entire night I felt guilty that my question, "how does everyone know I'm gay?" stalled the scene, but in actuality, it was to unwillingness to accept my most repressed thoughts. For a few seconds last night naked thoughts eked out in the middle of the scene, and instead of working with them, I tried to jam them back into a closet.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ummm....I never thought you were gay, but now that I think of it, it would really answer some questions.

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