I'm A Battered Housewife

Domestic abuse isn't pretty, especially when you realize you're the one being abused. Am I smart enough to run away, though? Can I toss the relationship away and start anew, somewhere else? Ha! Not likely. I keep crawling back. I'm the wife on COPS who insists, " I love him!" after being slapped around. Broken and bleeding, I hope tomorrow will be different, but it won't be.

Who is kicking my ass? You can call him Halo 2, but his full name is Halo 2 Online Play. I try to defend myself with plasma rifles, needlers, and shotguns, but it's no use, I am again massacred. Sometimes, while nursing my wounds I'll hide in the corners hoping to pick off combatants with a sniper rifle. But, they find me. Oh, god, how do they find me!

I shouldn't go on like this. I deserve better. I don't deserve to be taunted by pre-pubescent competitors. Maybe I'll go over to Crimson Skies, or Return to Castle Wolfenstein where my online talents will be appreciated. They encourage me; they're tender with me. I should do it! I should go!

But.... wait. Did you hear something? It's Halo 2. It's promising to put me first, first on a Coagulation Rumble Pit Quickmatch no less. That's so sweet. Maybe Halo 2 does love me, after all. Leaving now would be reckless. I could always leave tomorrow. I'll just play here…one more night....