Verbal Alerts!

Well, lightings struck, and I’d be a fool not to write about it. Minutes ago, I had an epiphany. Well, to be perfectly honest, I had this epiphany last summer, but I just remembered it. So, fearing I’ll soon forget, I better scribble it down (or type it, in this case).

Ever find yourself frustrated with AOL IM? Ok, now that I’ve asked you a penetrating question, I’ll reveal my personal feelings. Hell yes, AOL IM can be frustrating! Someone will sign online, you’ll hear the “dooropen” sound, but who’s there? You have to click to the IM window simply to see who just popped on! The indignity of it all, I’m a busy man! I don’t have time to be fiddlin’ with windows and boxes (I’d like to learn to play the fiddle, so as I practice, I could say, “I’m to busy fiddlin’ to fiddle”). Sure, maybe the rich folk have time to toggle between screens, but us lower middle class can maintain a one window focus, at best. Could there ever be salvation from mounting IM sign on curiosity (IM SOC for short).

Yes!! In a moment of clarity I’ve realized we, the everyday IM using community, need: Verbal alerts! AOLs’ selection of sounds is shabby, and impersonal. Sure, we could individualize the alerts, assigning one sound for each individual on our buddy list, but building sound associations are a drain on the IM user. Who wants to commit each buddy to a sound, and then remember that individual sound? That’s a hassle.

I propose verbal alerts. Instead of an alert that goes “moo,” use a .wav file that says, “Yo! Ben’s online,” or “Damn boy, that fly hunny is away.” Now, that’s efficient. The “cashregister” .wav is antiquated. Personalized alerts are time savers. You won’t have to walk to the computer to see who jumped online. The verbal alert will let you know immediately that the “cute girl you met from the library,” is online or that the, “back stabbing sonofabitch” just signed off.

Oh, and if anyone wants me to begin posting some verbal alerts, I’d be glad to do it. I have a microphone and some great audio programs. Let me know what you want the alert to say, and I’ll start postin’ ‘em.